It’s been a Weird Couple of Months……..

         In early May,I tripped and fell in the house & landed on my knees. The left knee was bruised,and the right knee took the brunt of my landing. It swelled up to a HUGE size,and I could barely walk. Then a week later,my 17 yr old cat had kidney failure and my Dad had to take her to the vet to be helped across the bridge. (the parking lot to the vet office is super steep and I was on a cane and in a knee brace) Needless to say I was devastated,not to mention experiencing an eerie Deja Vu experience. In 2012 I had fallen and injured my left knee,which required stitches,and the sister of the cat I lost this past May fell suddenly and severely ill that very evening. The vet was pretty useless (each cat had a different vet) and a week later,I had her helped across the bridge.  So- into grieving and recuperating mode I went…..again. 

The knee is just now to the point to where I can walk almost normally and stairs are getting easier. No,I didn’t see a dr as I got tossed into Medi-cal (my state’s medical source for those who can’t afford real insurance) and the office I visited was dirty,poorly lit,and in the slummiest part of town. (I got tossed into the system when Obama Care ended the only ‘real insurance” policy that was affordable to me and refused to give me aid in paying for the now much more expensive plan I got shoved into by my provider….and I was deemed as “not eligible” for Obama Care as I don’t make enough $$ right now..) 

In short,it’s been a rough couple of months. I miss Lightning (my cat) terribly,and there was many a night I cried myself to sleep over losing her. I’ve missed not tending the garden,and I missed the BIG yard sale event I always attend that happens twice a year for the very first time (12 years in a row!) And in the swirl of all this……

I reminded myself that when an accident occurs,it can be the Universes way of sitting you on your butt and getting you to look over things from a different angle. Not the nicest way to do it,but sometimes hints aren’t enough. “When a door closes,another one opens” kept going thru my mind,even in the depths of my grief & frustration. 

I realized I needed to refocus my life on what I really want to do,and where I really want to go. Sometimes,in our seeking to generate an income,we can spread ourselves too thin. I’ve offered lessons on several instruments that I know how to play,and I’ve had several potential students just fade out before the 1st free lesson. And I was amazed at how much time it takes to keep a good playing skill level on all of them. Not to mention my online store in which I make accessories to sell. And the blogs. And social media. And the cat. And you get the idea. Where am I in all of this? Feeling like I was on a treadmill of things I enjoyed-yet some of those suffered neglect as it was more than I could handle. 

Lightnings’ health had been slowly dipping below par starting late last year. Her diagnosis of epilepsy a year and a half prior made me afraid to leave the house for fear she’d have a seizure and fall into space she couldn’t get out of. (her vet didn’t want her taking the anti-seizure meds) So I wound up not leaving the house for more than a couple of hours at a time,and not frequently. I did this with no regrets and would do so again in a heartbeat. At the same time I missed not being able to be out in the world without worry about how long I’d be out of the house. This meant not being able to get myself in any sort of band situation or teaching in person situations. 

With Lightning safely across the bridge,in my grief I knew I now had freedom of movement without worry,and she was now reunited with her sister in spirit,and safe. I could now focus on healing completely,and going forward in new directions. I also saw I needed to cut back and pick which instruments would be “just for fun” and which ones I felt that I was “here to play with dedication”. So I’ve dropped teaching banjo,dulcimer,autoharp and a few other instruments. What I will continue to teach is mandolin,beginning rock guitar,and continue to nurture artists with this blog. Optional are electric bass and ukulele. (I have no students for these two instruments but am open to teaching them!) 

Deciding to stick with guitar & mandolin as my instruments of dedication has been one of the best choices I could make. It’s taken a lot of inner weight off me,and I’ve been having lots more fun musically. Lightning and Sassy will always be on my mind frequently,I will always miss them,and my heart is mending. I will adopt cats again down the road but not right now. And now you know why I haven’t been posting for awhile.  Peace. 

Synchronicity And Being a Good Neighbor

Tags

angels, bountiful universe, busking, Christian, church, coincidences, guitar lessons, neighbors, synchronicity

     There has been a young man who skateboards up & down my street with a semi hollow body guitar strapped to him. This has went on for a couple of years,and we’ve never been outside at the same time.

    As fate would have it,he went riding past me while hitting his D string of his guitar while I happened to be out in the yard weeding,and he heard me make a humorous comment,stopped dead in his tracks,and the next thing I know,we’re engaged in conversation. He’s shocked to know I play,lets me know he’s a devout Christian and attends church regularly,and is amazingly in-between generations.

     He has a paper application to fill out for a job,and when I ask about why he doesn’t apply online,he tells me he wants to make a personable impression. More shocking is the lack of a mobile device. This guy could’ve been my age,yet he’s only 25. His name? Amid all the rapid conversation,we never get to the point of name exchanging. He’s quit jobs due to the fact he was the only employee working at jobs he’s been hired for-which meant the lazy workers dumped their work on him. (I’ve been in his spot and no,it ain’t pleasant!) 

Thru more conversation,I find he’s wanting to focus on country guitar,tho he’s collaborating with a guy he knows who’s into rap music. I inwardly wince when he belittles the country music style he loves as soon as he mentions that he plays it. I too am hesitant- he offers his guitar to me to play but I turn him down…. much to my surprise. This is a seemingly fantastic kid & here one of my inner blocks kicks in before I can step up to counter act it. I want to offer him help in playing should he need it,but we never get to that point. He’s busy telling me what’s going on in the neighborhood,about his Dad & sister that he lives with,and the Christian band he has going. It’s like he’s just spilling everything right in front of me. 

I’m also aware that I’ve been asking my angels & guides for a chick around my age to knock around with musically and it would seem they’re sending me this young man instead. I have been wanting to work musically with youth for quite awhile as far as helping their playing ability and teaching themselves to live a creatively healthy lifestyle. And admittedly,I’ve been blocking myself and belittling myself with flimsy excuses and running from my own mission. 

So it would appear my prayers are being answered in a way that I wasn’t expecting,as my oracle cards have told me these past weeks. 

As far as sychronicity goes,I picked up my electric guitar again a few weeks ago and have been re learning scales and blues styles. (I’m working out of two different electric guitar books!…..one I picked up back in 2011)

So all I can do now is wait till we meet again,and perhaps then we can sit and knock around on guitar together. 

Announcing My New Patreon Page!

Tags

being authentic, creative recovery 6 string guitar 7 string guitar being in the now living in the present releasing the old

        Yes indeedy I finally decided to follow my heart and start the page so I can offer guitar lessons ( 6 & 7 string) and my inner musician coaching sessions! The link to it is here so do check it out and do share it with your friends. I do need to get some videos uploaded on it which should be happening in the next week. 

I had been hesitant to do this,to be honest. My inner critic has been going overtime about my “not having any formal training” when it comes to coaching. Yet- when I look back at my life,I’ve always coached those who have needed it when folks I knew had been down and needed an uplifting hand. Teaching rock guitar my inner critic has been yammering old tapes at me- telling me no using everything in the book from “you’re a girl” to “you’re not a shredder”. True on not being a shredder. However,the type of rock I love to play doesn’t call for one to be a shred queen. 

In truth,most of my blog entries as well as absences have all had to do with my journey back into rock n roll creativity,from the playing guitar to actually accepting it wholeheartedly. For many years I looked at my wanting to go back to playing rock as a bad thing……..like being addicted to something one shouldn’t be. And it had to do with old memories and experiences with other musicians,not the instrument or style of music itself.

    I just recently realized that very thing…..that I had to let go of the old negative past and disconnect it from the instrument which meant I had to also release the hurt and trauma of those experiences. Which meant I decided to quit investing emotional reactions in past events because it was only hurting me. Those who had posted hurtful things about me or were toxic jamming partners probably have forgotten all about whatever they did or said. 

To live in a true present is a gift of mindfulness. Whenever you catch yourself going over the old reruns of negative events in your life,stop,take a deep breath,and release it on the exhale. Then purposefully bring yourself into the NOW.  Do this when you’re playing songs,practicing scales,whenever those old tapes hit automatic rerun. Stop playing those movies in your mind and heart. 

Keeping Up Appearances…..Accepting Yourself As You Are,Inside And Out

Tags

being authentic, being present, rock image, self improvement

                 I think one of the sometimes difficult situations that middle aged (and beyond) rock musicians face is the fact that none of us look like we did when we were in our twenties. For some of us,there may have been weight gain-others may have been in an accident that left them with a slightly different body. Others gave birth,had hair thinning or loss.while others had (or still have) addiction problems. And all of us at some point or another have dealt with stress on some (or multiple) levels. We’ve lost loved ones,watched loved ones go thru challenging times wishing we could do more for them,we’ve more than likely dealt with a lack of prosperity at some point,and the list goes on. Point is,it can show at some point in your physical appearance,and you may be so used to the not-so-enthused and possibly non sparking self that greets you every morning in the mirror now that you’re oblivious to it.  So-what do we do now? 

Suffice it to say the media certainly doesn’t help-ever notice that every actor that’s shown in a gym or exercise equipment ad looks as tho they have no need for it? Most music videos of the up & comings show trim figures. We 40-50 somethings remember when we were those kids. And we were where we were supposed to be for that time. And- just as importantly…………..

You’re at where you’re supposed to be at now in all ways!

I imagine a few of you recoiled or had a quick mental knee jerk when you read that last sentence. If your appearance at present isn’t what you want it to be,then you know there’s more to your musical adventure & you’re awake enough to realize that. Congratulations & let the adventure begin! 

I had a flash of insight recently that told me each of us has a “look” for every stage of life we’re in. And it changes as we go thru our journey of life. For example- I can no longer wear eyeliner on my lower lid. It looked groovin into my 30’s,and somewhere along the way it started looking awful on me. I simply couldn’t carry it off anymore. So now I only wear liner on the upper lid,and I find my 50 something year old eyes look just as dramatic. I do still wear black eyeliner…..because I like it and I can still carry it off. 

My hair is shoulder length-I quit dying it years ago as it wasn’t sticking to the gray hairs I was getting and I felt like I was wasting money. Then an unexpected surprise from the Universe popped in……

Gray/Silver/White hair is now COOL, and the IN thing! 

Which is a groovin thing cause my gray hair has vastly multiplied over the past few years. I have a wide streak down the back of my hair. 

I find playing rock guitar & bass for whatever reason,helps keep my weight in check. I have no idea why because I play for short periods of time-not because I get tired,but because it’s been proven one learns and retains things quicker that way. Something in my mind gets triggered and the weight starts decreasing. 

Going thru the change of life  is a groovin thing too. No more PMS. No more bloating and feeling angst for a week and a half. No more cramping or hot water bottle on the belly. Freedom and a sense of strength of inner self I’ve never felt before. 

For the guys that have had hair loss,find yourself a cool hat to wear. (no baseball or bucket caps!) I mean a cool stylin hat that just makes you feel together. Get more than one. Different colors. Be distinctive. Mysterious. Or-if you’re absolutely comfy with not having that full head of flowing hair you did in your 20’s, you could do what a lot of guys do-shave their head completely and forget about it. It honestly makes guys look a lot more youthful to have a shaved head as opposed to being mostly bald. Just be sure to wear a light colored hat in the summer to protect against sunburn. (and for that-you may need the bucket hat I banned earlier) 

By now you’re getting the drift of direction from this post. Wake up,and if you want change in your appearance,start having fun. Experiment. Want to lose weight? You can do that. Talk to your dr if you need to lose a lot so that it’s done in a safe & healthy way. And if you have an addiction problem,get professional help to get clean. Get the help you need. 

     Liven up your wardrobe in ways that make you feel splendid…….and current. No,I don’t wear leather and spiked wristbands anymore,or spandex. I do,however,have a deep love of 60’s-70’s fashion,which I can now wear as my rockin self as I am freed from the wardrobe confines I placed myself in when I was in my teens & 20’s wanting to have a heavy metal look. 

So go forth and start appreciating your appearance starting now,from where you are now. 

Same Blog,New Name….

Tags

bass guitar, composers, Creating in middle age, rock drummers, rock guitar, rock vocalists, songwriters, Women in rock and menopause

    When I first started writing this blog,it was purely for  middle aged women. However,much to my unexpected surprise,as I continued to write, I discovered male musicians were also reading and subscribing to the posts. What I didn’t tell readers is that there were times I wasn’t sure that this blog would continue as I went thru some intense inner growth periods which challenged me and sometimes left me temporarily uninspired to write for a time.

   However-seeing as the blog has continued to be,and to grow,my angels & guides have also let me know it was time to make this a gender inclusive blog. It honestly had never crossed my mind till recently that women weren’t the only ones who had either given up playing for years or had went back to finding they have to deal with a lot of folks who are still “asleep”,and have the opinion that playing rock music is a sign of “not being able to grow up” or of “being a perpetual Peter Pan” (as my mom would’ve put it) There will always be those who will never understand creatives. My goal is to share with you things that will help you navigate your creative path around these types of people,in addition to nurturing your own creativity.  

Check Your Wiring And Follow Your Heart

Tags

bass, creative recovery, finger speed, George Harrison, gifted, gypsy jazz, lead guitar, musical genres, rhythm guitar, rock guitar, women in rock

       Did you know you came perfectly wired to play a certain style? I’m convinced that musicians are. The problem is when we don’t realize that and then try to attain the skills and wiring to play a style that we aren’t equipped to do-and that’s where the frustration sets in. Luckily it’s a style of rock or blues you love already. Problem is when you go into denial over it….and decide to go somewhere else musically-which can lead to a lot of frustration and angst. 

It happened to me in the 80’s when I decided to go along with the crowd and forget my love of 60-70’s rock and go into metal. I’ve never had fast fingers. But there I was,in my 20’s,trying to zip all over the fingerboard,which usually meant my left hand froze up in confusion. “Do what???” was the message my hands were sending to my brain. Or maybe it was the other way around. Then I felt like a failure because I couldn’t do it. Then that led to frustration. In retrospect,I didn’t enjoy playing in the 80’s anywhere as much as I thought. I spent a whole lotta time wishing I could play a certain way to be accepted by myself and others,which led nowhere cause my fingers aren’t of the quicksilver quality. Learning scales didn’t help. Neither did so called “speed excersises”. As a result I wound up on bass or playing rhythm guitar,which I wasn’t happy with either as so many chick players seemed to be doing that and only that. 

A lot of players,in the same boat I was,wound up hurting themselves by developing carpal tunnel or some other malady due to pushing their hands into doing things they simply weren’t wired to do. Luckily that never happened to me,despite the fact I’ve had more than one job that had repetitive hand motion as a main duty. 

Recently I made the discovery that by going back to the “root music” I grew up loving,I am totally and gratefully equipped to do. This has created a new dimension of personal music appreciation. I feel like I got my “get out of jail” card. I had myself in a self imposed and enforced prison. Or rather my ego mind did. 

What music did you grow up hearing and just loving? No doubt,depending on what years you were a grade school kid,if I could hear you I’d be getting a huge variety of responses. It could be rock,blues/rock,grunge,new wave,jazz fusion,pop,etc. Whatever that love is,

that’s the genre you’re supposed to be playing! 

To clarify,I don’t mean to say you’re only supposed to play one style. For example, in addition to rock,I have a knack for playing classical and fingerpicking guitar. Key is I can do both well and with ease-which tells me this falls within my “wiring”. (I’m playing Gypsy Jazz too,and it delights me) 

The keys lay in knowing what styles you like and what you’re wired for. Where those two streets meet,those genres are for you. My classical guitar teacher,for example,was also a very talented bluegrass flatpicker. From what I understood from other players,this was a highly unusual thing. The styles were far apart-yet he could do both with total ease and flair. 

So see where your fingers naturally fall,and search your heart to find where the musical inner gold lies. Make a list and check it against the songbooks you already have. Do they match? Are they in stark contrast to what you’re discovering? If so,you can sell or give away the books that are not sincerely you,and then go for the books that are,along with purchasing CDs of groups & artists you haven’t heard in years but enjoyed. I just picked up a used copy of a George Harrison CD & am enjoying it very much. 

Are We The Aquarian Generation Grown Up? Did We Forget? Did We Know?

Tags

female rockers, Journey, Triumph Beatles Age of Aquarius Be The Light Gabrielle Bernstein Ross Valory Rock guitar 80's A Course In Miracles Styx

         The Age Of Aquarius. For a lot of us,that phrase brings in a lot of memories of childhood and youth. And for those who were born in the 70’s on,it brings up history,videos,and visions of tie-dye clothes,love beads,and headbands. 

    A couple of days ago,reminders of that era started coming in. Beginning with photos my Dad had purchased off eBay. He’s an aviation buff retired from a major airline,and he purchased a publicity photo from the 60’s featuring stewardesses showing their psychedelic uniforms-bright colorful, and a little mod. He had also picked up an 8×10 of the Monkees for me. As a kid,I adored both the Monkees and the Beatles. I loved the photo,and was wondering what the Universe was trying to tell me by receiving the photo. I hadn’t even mentioned 60’s or 70’s rock music in ages,tho my electric guitar & violin had been coming to mind lately-I’ve been busy in the acoustic instrument department of late. However,in the latest heat wave we’re having out here,I just set the thoughts aside and am focused on keeping both my cat and I cool and comfortable……and then the cues continue. The whole Age of Aquarius thing seems to have died to an age of consumerism and an obsession with self centeredness and cold heartedness in a lot of our youth….which disturbs me greatly. 

In saying that,I am reminded that the actual Age of Aquarius is far from over-it’s birthing was just announced in the 60’s when astrology and it’s interest in it was as strong as having the latest hand held gadget is today. Nearly everyone knew their sign,and in some cases had memorized their entire chart. “What’s your sign?” was as common a question as “how are you?” Those living in that era wanted,peace,love,spiritual depth,and a healthy planet. 

Sometimes those of us born in the early 60’s forget about what the whole coming of the Aquarian Age till you get an unexpected reminder. (I never forget the planet!) 

So here I am in a neighborhood in the oppressive heat at the yard sale fest that happens twice a year,covered in sunblock,wearing a hat,and a bottle of G2 at my side. I’m nearly done covering the neighborhood,it’s blazing hot,my clothes are damp with sweat,my thoughts are of trekking back to the car and getting home for a shower. I’ve been very selective in my shopping and picked up 2 CDS,clothes,and a framed quote needing a new frame.

     At any rate,an older guy pulls up in a 70’s car that is mostly restored. My Dad and he strike up a conversation about older cars and their restoration,when the guy (I never knew his name) asks me out of the blue: “Are you an Age of Aquarius person?” I was taken back by this but answered yes. I honestly thought everyone had forgotten about that. 

The question-and my response to it continue to resonate within me after I get home to a much cooler house and attend to my 16 yr old cat Lightning,who doesn’t seem to do well in hot weather like this. She’s missed us while we were gone,and of course is wanting to say hello and have her dose of lovies. 

Yet I continued to ponder the question as well as the answer I gave. It’s like being reminded of something you forgot. I look back at my brief involvement with hard rock & metal in the 80’s,and even tho I enjoyed a lot of the goofiness and creativity of that decade,it seemed to be missing a lot of heart,and there was no raising of consciousness or seeking to explore mystical frontiers in it. It was all about clothes,driving narrow minded adults nuts in harmless ways (which I enjoyed immensely!) and wanting to “belong”. I never did feel as tho I truly belonged tho I did try-to the point of denying to myself music I loved and the whole Age of Aquarius bit….which I felt was a mission…..

a mission of uplifting the consciousness of people thru music. To open the door that their spirit may ride a beam of sound ever upward and out of the three dimensional world so many exist in. To uplift humankind to a higher octave. To “be the light” as Gabrielle Bernstein puts it (as does A Course In Miracles) so that others would also want to be the light in their own unique way. Journey was a group whose songs did this for me-I felt like I was riding a wave of positive energy that harmonized with my own,and then elevated it. Some songs by Styx had the same effect,as did Triumph and some tunes by Mr. Big. It was pure magic. 

How many rockers seek to do this now thru music? It seems it’s gotten forgotten & lost somehow. I think one thing I loved about the Monkees & Beatles was they weren’t afraid to show a lighter side of themselves and didn’t take their stage personas so dang seriously. It was okay to be seen smiling,goofing around,and just being at times,silly-letting that inner child out. (which is why I adored Ross Valory as a young woman!) 

Realizing What You Know,And Moving Forward

Tags

busking, Choose Yourself!, honoring Your Talents, Inspiration, motivation, Moving Forward, Self Employment, teaching, Using Your Gifts

      I’ve been reading a book called “Choose Yourself!” by James Altucher and what an amazing read this is- I got the Kindle version for 99¢ and I owe him a HUGE thank you. This book really unveils a lot about the current era as far as making ones way thru the world without dipping into methods that worked in previous eras,like working a regular job. The author has shown me that on several levels my opinions on working the regular 9-5 gig has been correct: it’s a huge waste of time,and as an employee your boss could care less about you,never mind that you’ll never be paid what you’re worth…..so you’re stuck on a treadmill that never ends. I’ve done that twice in my life,working two gigs at two different jobs for nearly 10 years each. In the end? I couldn’t move up in either place of employment (I wasn’t part of the “original clique”) ,my pay wasn’t living wage,my bosses seemed to have a “thing” against me as well as my co workers,this after I had invested years of effort and giving it “my all” to prove myself as an employee and to “move up”. Lesson learned: managers and supervisors hate those who are smarter than they are because they feel threatened and intimidated. That’s when the really abusive treatment starts in those nebulous ways you can’t pinpoint or file a complaint about. (No,this isn’t going to be a rant-read on,cause it gets brighter)

     James goes on to show you the mind set and methods of moving forward in the “Choose Yourself!” era and it’s all about doing your own thing…..which includes having your failures,dusting off your knees after getting up,and giving it another try. He’s confirmed that my thoughts about working for corporates was spot on-even waaay back in the 90’s. There’s a ton of good advice in the book and I haven’t even finished it yet. 

     He’s gotten me to realize I’m indeed something special. (we all are,I think-some of us just don’t realize it yet) I used to put myself down for playing multiple instruments……call myself “scatterbrained” “nonfocused” and “Indecisive”. Why couldn’t I be like most folks who are content with one instrument,for cryin out loud? Reading this I realize what an amazing gift I’ve been handed. To be able to play at least 4 instruments well and read music for them is a pretty astonishing feat,if I do say so myself. I think the inspiration for that came from a girl in Australia when I was in grade school. We exchanged a few letters (snail mail for the younger folk out there) and I was blown away to read that she played something like five different instruments. She wasn’t even a teen yet! I don’t even remember if I was learning guitar yet at that time-my first instrument. But it made a deep impression on me. 

     The next thing the book triggered has been answering the question of “what am I doing with it?” Not much. Which has been insane. Partially due to my upbringing,which I have written about before-in short,my mom wasn’t going to have her guitarist daughter playing for anybody. Period. Such a thing was deemed to be a show of ego and wanting to be the center of attention,which was seen as the most repulsive thing a person cold do,not to mention I was a Leo,and to my astrological chartin’ momma,that was also disastrous.  I have unconsciously carried out her wishes for decades,tho she left the planet over 12 years ago. 

      What would I think of a multi talented person who never shared their talents for others? I’d think them nuts. I’d be saying to them” “what’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you playing for others????” I also read in this book there’s a dude out there that does all his music performing via utube. He more than supports himself doing it,never performs live anywhere. Holy crap-I could be doing that! He even sells his CDs over the web. No touring,nothing like that. The book has taken away any excuse I have used,thank God. 

     Get a copy of this book because it opens a lot of doors in your mind-lately,I’ve been pondering using my comedic gifts-not the stand up variety,mind you….not sure what I’ll do with it yet-but I’ve always been able to get folks laughing. 

     Honor your talents and gifts even if you were told not to-and share them. Everyone has a talent or two,and was placed here now to share them. This is a way of “being the light” in the world,and the world desperately needs it at this time. No person would ever be born on this Earth without a talent/gift that would enable them to make their way thru the world. Spirit knows that $$ is needed to function here and would never send you out without a way to earn it in an honest way. Be sure to realize the working 9-5 thing is a way of life that’s dying out. We’re being freed from our shackles that have taken the form of time cards and cubicles and assembly lines. Go out and do. 

 

Where Are You? Being In The Present Moment.

      It’s been hot lately and I confess I haven’t done a whole lot on the physical sense. However,my inner world has been bursting forth-not to mention the sun is now in my sun sign……my 2nd natal house,along with a couple of other planets. So-I’m anticipating good things happening in the present moment.

    And speaking of the present moment…….is that where your thoughts are dwelling? It’s of utmost importance for any artist to be fully rooted in the present. All too often,artists get mentally caught up in the past- toxic playmates,auditions gone awry,the time you messed up a note or forgot what chord was coming next during a performance. And one can mentally just reside there,running those mini movies with THX sound thru their minds over & over again…….which affects the present-you can’t have a fun present if your mental wheels are stuck in mud. 

     Just as detrimental is getting all caught up in the scenarios of fear about the future. How many of us shut down because we project how we fear the audition will go,what people might say about our pursuing our craft,what bad habits we might get into if we hang out with other artists. Yet-these are just little inner mind horror movies with no basis in reality. If our inner critic knows one thing with certainty,it’s how to scare the pants off you so you don’t step out,don’t learn that tune,and don’t get together with other players. Yet- fear is exactly this: False Evidence Appearing Real.

    The inner critic can keep you hopelessly busy and distracted in wanting to keep learning different instruments-I’ve been on that road and when I finally got to the bottom of why I wanted to know how to play so many different instruments….I was shocked to learn it was from my own insecurities as a musician combined with wanting outside approval. Having said that,I’m not saying that every multi instrumentalist out there has had this particular motivation. Indeed,there’s a lot of advantages to knowing how to play two or three instruments well. However when one takes it to 6 or more there’s a tendency to feel overwhelmed……and another tendency to temporarily get your artistic heart misplaced. 

     By that,I mean where does your heart really lie? I’ve been pondering that one lately. What instruments really have my heart,and which ones are just fun to knock around with here & there? Personally speaking,it’s been guitar,mandolin,and surprisingly,flute. There’s always been a part of me that wanted to be in a classical/baroque music setting of some sort- a chamber orchestra,a symphony,something along those lines. Another part of me has discovered swing jazz and is loving that….which I’m studying on mandolin/flute. And needless to say,rock guitar has had me from my earliest childhood memories,as well as classical guitar,which I studied intently in high school. Clarinet has also called me,but I have gotten 3 used clarinets over the past few years,all of them needing repair and cleaning. So that has been put on the back burner. I have a wonderful flute, and am restoring another flute which will be my “gad about” instrument.

    I only recently realized this and started re learning the instrument. I can say that presently I’ve made more progress that I ever have before,I remembered my fingerings quickly,am learning new ones,and am feeling blessed for being gifted with such a good quality flute. And I keep progressing as I’m allowing myself to be a beginner and to keep my focus on the present-not the past,and not the future. Just the now. 

    So have a quiet time within and see if you are in an “artistic now” moment. Are you playing the instrument and style you feel most aligned with in your heart? If not,why not? Make adjustments as necessary,and don’t worry about what “other people” think. 

To Lead….Or Not To Lead….That is The Question!

    I might have mentioned that I was beginning the practice of an acupressure technique called “tapping” or “EFT”. I initially started this by purchasing a Kindle edition by Jessica Ortner on tapping to lose weight…..as well as addressing other inner issues I’ve been having when it comes to different things in my life that are stressors. So as I’ve been working with this practice (and it’s a wonderful way to release stress and the issues you’re holding onto that create the stress) I’ve decided to start using it to tackle a phobia I’ve had since I was a teen: 

                                              A phobia of playing lead guitar.

     I was the teen age chick who would instantly freeze up whenever I was asked to play a lead in a jam session. I would just panic. Improvise was something so beyond my ability to grasp it wasn’t funny. Friends tried to help-telling me to learn cookie cutter patterns (what we called scales back then) and just let go,staying within the “cutter pattern”. I was so terrified of making a mistake and “looking bad” that I refused to even try. This was during the play-fast-and-perfect era of the 80’s guitar shredder era. So-I joyfully went into bass playing and stuck with fingerpicking and rhythm guitar playing. I wasn’t happy with this,especially since at that time female players for the most part didn’t play lead…and I was one of those guitarists who had a beef with it tho I stuck with rhythm. 

     I was afraid of looking bad in front of others and being known as a lousy player. Now I realize my ego self was running the show and crushing my dream of being a wonderful guitar player. The fear of the opinions of others mattered more than my stepping out and making an effort. So I shrunk myself. 

     The tapping has worked-I have tapped on issues that have caused me to take the same approach to different issues as I did with the lead playing so many years ago: avoid it like the plague,which hasn’t helped me advance in my life-it’s hindered me….up to very recently. 

      I hadn’t touched my electric guitars for quite some time till the last couple of weeks,when I unwittingly thru tapping and meditation unblocked something that was keeping me from playing. I started playing Led Zep tunes and absolutely enjoying it. I have quite a library on how to play rock and blues lead guitar-I’ve never been into the play a million notes in 10 seconds type,but I love melodic bluesy rockin riffs and I believe the tapping has 90% to do with this sudden playing again.

     Using the tapping,I’ve been able to let go of emotions connected to a extremely toxic band member from my past,my mothers constant damnation of my playing rock music and thwarting it thru manipulation and over controlling.

     This included one night as a teen being in bed for the night when my mom came in my room and started terrorizing me verbally and shaking me so violently for what seemed to be a long time over my decision to be a professional guitarist. She had completely lost it. (I was absolutely terrified and traumatized by this outburst and I told no one till recently-my Dad) It was a shock to suddenly realize that as a youth,I had experienced what would now be considered parental bullying,in addition to physical and emotional abuse. No wonder I didn’t move forward in my younger years musically. I learned shrinking myself meant I was safe from my ego self and others abusive behaviors and carried it forward into every aspect of my life in which I purposely stayed small.  

   So a good part of my tapping is now turning to releasing those experiences and the feelings that come up in my gut whenever I think of painful moments I went thru because of my being a guitarist.  

    It’s been most rewarding-as a result,I am working out of one of the books on playing lead guitar and enjoying learning the scale patterns and just plain ol playing again. I missed it terribly and didn’t realize it. It was worth the uncovering of the inner blocks and pain that went with it,,,,,so I could let go of its grip on my life. I now think of myself as a lead guitarist! 

    The reason I’m sharing this with you is in case you,in reading this,start remembering things that have blocked you from playing and/or growing as a player. The tapping has helped me in ways I never imagined and it could help you too. Just look up Nick or Jessica Ortner online and get one of their books and start working with it!