Check Your Wiring And Follow Your Heart

Tags

bass, creative recovery, finger speed, George Harrison, gifted, gypsy jazz, lead guitar, musical genres, rhythm guitar, rock guitar, women in rock

       Did you know you came perfectly wired to play a certain style? I’m convinced that musicians are. The problem is when we don’t realize that and then try to attain the skills and wiring to play a style that we aren’t equipped to do-and that’s where the frustration sets in. Luckily it’s a style of rock or blues you love already. Problem is when you go into denial over it….and decide to go somewhere else musically-which can lead to a lot of frustration and angst. 

It happened to me in the 80’s when I decided to go along with the crowd and forget my love of 60-70’s rock and go into metal. I’ve never had fast fingers. But there I was,in my 20’s,trying to zip all over the fingerboard,which usually meant my left hand froze up in confusion. “Do what???” was the message my hands were sending to my brain. Or maybe it was the other way around. Then I felt like a failure because I couldn’t do it. Then that led to frustration. In retrospect,I didn’t enjoy playing in the 80’s anywhere as much as I thought. I spent a whole lotta time wishing I could play a certain way to be accepted by myself and others,which led nowhere cause my fingers aren’t of the quicksilver quality. Learning scales didn’t help. Neither did so called “speed excersises”. As a result I wound up on bass or playing rhythm guitar,which I wasn’t happy with either as so many chick players seemed to be doing that and only that. 

A lot of players,in the same boat I was,wound up hurting themselves by developing carpal tunnel or some other malady due to pushing their hands into doing things they simply weren’t wired to do. Luckily that never happened to me,despite the fact I’ve had more than one job that had repetitive hand motion as a main duty. 

Recently I made the discovery that by going back to the “root music” I grew up loving,I am totally and gratefully equipped to do. This has created a new dimension of personal music appreciation. I feel like I got my “get out of jail” card. I had myself in a self imposed and enforced prison. Or rather my ego mind did. 

What music did you grow up hearing and just loving? No doubt,depending on what years you were a grade school kid,if I could hear you I’d be getting a huge variety of responses. It could be rock,blues/rock,grunge,new wave,jazz fusion,pop,etc. Whatever that love is,

that’s the genre you’re supposed to be playing! 

To clarify,I don’t mean to say you’re only supposed to play one style. For example, in addition to rock,I have a knack for playing classical and fingerpicking guitar. Key is I can do both well and with ease-which tells me this falls within my “wiring”. (I’m playing Gypsy Jazz too,and it delights me) 

The keys lay in knowing what styles you like and what you’re wired for. Where those two streets meet,those genres are for you. My classical guitar teacher,for example,was also a very talented bluegrass flatpicker. From what I understood from other players,this was a highly unusual thing. The styles were far apart-yet he could do both with total ease and flair. 

So see where your fingers naturally fall,and search your heart to find where the musical inner gold lies. Make a list and check it against the songbooks you already have. Do they match? Are they in stark contrast to what you’re discovering? If so,you can sell or give away the books that are not sincerely you,and then go for the books that are,along with purchasing CDs of groups & artists you haven’t heard in years but enjoyed. I just picked up a used copy of a George Harrison CD & am enjoying it very much. 

Summertime Zen Playing

Tags

angels, bass, Buddah, drums, focusing on playing, Ganesha, inner critic, lead guitar, Led Zeppelin, Musicians, Practicing music, Quan Yin, rhythm guitar, rock and roll, rock music, Saraswati, women in rock, women rock musicians, Zen

     While I’ve written about it in my other blog,I thought I’d mention it on here,too. I’ve picked up a book to re-read that I got a few years back in which the author shares the ways of Zen and bringing it into your musical practice. The main beginning point is to be in a true present,which means when you’re sitting with your bass,your guitar,etc your mind and heart- all of yourself is there also. Think about it- how many times have we all sat down to learn a song or technique,while our inner critic is yammering about a ton of things,like the fact you need to vacuum,you have a bill due next week,some conversation you had with someone recently,and so on and so on? You may go thru the motions of playing,but in the end,more than likely,you retained little if anything during that time. The tune didn’t stick in your head, the new to you chord forms didn’t take,and you feel like you’ve hit a plateau in your playing…..a brick wall. It isn’t your playing,it’s from a lack of being where you’re supposed to be at. 

     It’s your inner critic playing it’s old tricks to keep you stuck and hoping you’ll put the guitar down and go vacuum instead. Getting angry with your inner critic doesn’t help,BTW. It only feeds it. So- how do we deal with the inner chatter and get more out of our time with the instrument we’ve chosen to play? 

     I start off with sitting and taking a few slow deep breaths- on the inhale I remind myself that I’m here to spend quality time with my bass. On the slow exhale,I release any pressing/distracting thoughts such as dishes or bills,etc. I settle within myself and become truly present. There’s a mystic who wrote a beautiful quote that I can’t recall word for word- but it goes something like “as you tune your instrument you tune yourself also,and bring yourself in alignment with it” That idea has stuck with me ever since I read it,and so now for the past few years,when I’m tuning,I inwardly align myself with the spirit of my instrument…..my playing.

    Now,your inner critic isn’t going to like this-and more than likely in the middle of your playing it’s going to send some thoughts crashing right into your mind to distract you. When this happens,simply mentally say “Thank you for sharing” and mentally go right back to what you were doing. Your “ego mind” (the part that wants to keep you small) more than likely will be perplexed at this and not know what to do. You acknowledged it,thanked it,but has nothing to feed on. So it may send a few more disturbing to you thoughts or memories,in which you are to give the same response. In time,this will subside.

    You can also enhance your playing space with a few visual cues for getting in the “Zen Zone” such as an electric candle in a holder. Have the electric candle going before you start to work with your breathing. If you’re a buddhist,perhaps a small statue alongside the candle,or an Angel, Quan Yin,or Saraswati. Whatever your path,if you choose,have a small picture or statue that reflects your path. This can be very helpful in setting the tone of your practice and enhance your focus. 

     Be aware of the tricks your inner critic will play as well. How many times have you sat down wanting to learn a tune,look at the tab,and in your head comes the statement “I’ll never get this down” “This is too hard” or “I’m not good enough to play this yet?” That is your inner critic seeking to keep you small. I was totally sabotaged as a teen when I took a music theory class. I went in with the thought it was going to be beyond my ability to understand it,that it was too complicated,and guess what- my intention came to pass. I didn’t understand a single thing in that class and I was too embarrassed to ask questions as I was the only girl in the class and didn’t want to appear to be dumb. My inner critic convinced me I wasn’t smart enough and I had mental block after mental block about everything presented to me. 

     So when the inner critic hits you with the previous false statements,again,tell it “thank you for sharing” and start working on that tab-even if it takes a couple of measure of it at a time. Work with the song,get the riffs or lead down,starting slow at first,and then progress from there. 

     

Getting Plucky And Looking Like Yourself Again……

Tags

appearances, make overs, new you, rock music, sincerity in being, women in rock

    Appearances aren’t everything but sometimes it can certainly help,especially when it comes to feeling that we’re being our most authentic selves. Admittedly I have done my best in the past to have hair do’s that were,well,”acceptable for a woman my age” for several years now. And dress accordingly.  I’ve seen the nightmare appearances of women who dress and still wear makeup in the same way that they did when they were 20 somethings. There is a woman who must be in her 50’s that has a yard sale twice a year that still wears mini skirts, full 1980’s makeup and a metal do that probably requires a half can of Aqua Net hair spray. And stiletto heels to boot. (at 8 AM!)  She is my reminder to walk in balance with my rocker self and to reflect a true present. 

    That being said,I went to my hair stylist yesterday as my hair looked like a mop,and I decided to get daring. Tina,my stylist,asked me what I wanted to do. I asked her if there was anyway to give me a rock n roll style that wouldn’t make me look like I was trying to be 25 again,let her know I’m growing my hair longer,and please give me bangs. “You mean like Rod Stewart?” she asked me. “No,nothing outrageous or ridiculous….I was thinking late 70’s early 80’s” I replied. And with that,the magic scissors flew. When she finished,I was amazed. I was wearing my hair pretty much the way I wore it in the 80’s.and it looked great! I can still carry off “the look”. I thanked her,thanked the Universe for preserving me thru all the challenges of the past 12 years or so,and felt like I was more myself than I’d been in a very very long time.

   And with that came a basic attitude change. Somehow,I feel more aligned with myself. Excess weight is shedding itself as I play bass pretty much daily now-in addition to my other instruments. I’ve started exploring Kwan Yin. Instead of the leather & spikes I sported as a young woman,I now wear semi precious stone “mystical” jewelry. I no longer feel I must wear black or look like “a serious grumpy thing”. I wear colorful clothing hinting of the 60’s and 70’s,and yet I feel amazingly current.

  I have changed my eye makeup style tho. Somewhere along the way,I lost my ability to wear eyeliner in the full on Egyptian style. Not to worry,I can still carry off black just fine and eliminated the lower line. It’s more 60’s,but it works and fits me. I can deal with that. I’m finding myself smiling more and getting a good sense of humor.  

   What I’m getting at is for years I’ve tried to be the typical “middle aged woman” and I didn’t realize how miserable that was making me- it was as tho I was always out of alignment inwardly. Now that I’m more authentic and my outside is reflecting my inside. Are you reflecting your inner musical self in a current way? Or are you still stuck in the trap of thinking you should look like a person who works in an office? Ponder this and perhaps a make over is needed to bring out your most genuine self. But keep it classy,ladies. Rumps hanging out of clothes and showing cleavage will only draw the flies.

Coming Full Circle-Getting Shiny Again-A New Cycle of Re Greening Myself

Tags

7 string guitar, angels, Arthurian, Beatles, Buddha, Cerridwen, Doreen Virtue, Dreams, E2, Fairies, Fisher King, Goddess, Healing, inner healing, Ipod, Jean Shineda Bolen, Pagan, regreening, rock guitar lessons, surrender, The Universe, The Wasteland, Wings, women in rock

        The reason I haven’t written in so long is that I was going thru a period of growth and angst. Certain things in my life that I’ve worked towards just haven’t panned out the way I had hoped,and I’ve been working with letting go of things that aren’t working for me,inwardly and outwardly. At the same time,I have continued to delve into my ever growing library of self help/growth books. Finances have been a pressure,and I’ve been dreading this tax season as it’s the first one in which I have been self employed…..and it hasn’t went well. It appears music books are not really in demand. I have kept affirming that “I’m where I’m supposed to be” right now and knowledge that I am changing and growing-and remembering a lot that had gotten covered over with negative memories where my love of certain things,like rock music,have been concerned. The healing began with……

A dream. I have a deep love of all things Arthurian,and in this dream I was looking at myself in the mirror-I was wearing shorts (which I never do in waking life) and I could see a long incision that was closed on my left thigh. A voice told me that I was healed now,I just needed to let the incision heal up and get to walking again. Upon waking,I knew what the dream meant-on some deep level,I had a soul healing of some sort-the time in the wasteland was over and now the landscape would be green and growing again.(This dream was totally Arthurian in theme) The left side had to do with my feminine side,issues concerning my mother (who passed 12 years ago) and my own inner Mother,which over the past several years had turned to stone and had turned fearful and self isolated. I was,as Jean Shineda Bolen calls it,turned into a “Stone Mother”. I knew this and have worked over the past several years to open up,to become,as she calls it “juicy” again,green with growth and life…..both inner and outer. A sense of relief and wonder has enveloped me ever since waking the morning after that dream. 

I have in previous posts written of the painful times that caused me to pretty much walk away from my electric guitar and bass playing,so I won’t replay that here. I have dipped my toe in the waters on occasion but had felt it painful and fear crept in of accidently inviting more disaster. So I went into acoustic instruments-ukulele,banjo,fiddle,mandolin (which I teach) which all in their own way helped with the healing tho I was unaware of it. 

I had also noticed if I got interested in a guy romantically,I’d start dipping into playing my bass and guitar again-and then set it down when the disappointment of “he’s not going to date you” set in. I knew that “impressing” a guy with my musical abilities was not the way to go,and it never got to a point where I played for them anyway. This also led to negative blocks associated with my playing rock. I was letting “ego” lead. Big mistake.

Thru reading Doreen Virtue books and working with her decks of oracle cards,I realised it was key for me to “feel safe” in doing anything. Music,whatever,I must feel safe-ie that everything is taken care of,no disaster will befall me,that I am secure in whatever life events happen along the way. As long as I felt this sense of being safe I could take baby steps forward in my own life. My reading about Fairies helped me reunite with my Pagan self-and it suddenly felt like a missing chunk of me had returned. I felt empowered for the first time in several years. Not invincible mind you,but empowered…..like I had retuned myself to the right note,as it were. I had,last August,in working with the book E2,bid on a statue of Cerridwen and manifested the funds to pay for it-and while I had thought that perhaps the Goddess was ignoring me,I don’t believe now this was the case.    I’ve been going thru a very deep initiation process much like Gwydion,who stirs the brew she had made for her son,and unintentionally tastes the brew when it splatters on his hand. Cerridwen then takes after Gwydion,and tho he has the ability to shape shift,he hides,perhaps sticking his head in the sand,so to speak. In this act of surrender,She devours him disguised as a piece of grain,in which he is reborn as Taliesin.  

In my own ways over the years,I had been shifting from this to that,ducking here,ducking there,in an effort to avoid things I really didn’t want to face within and outside of myself. Before the healing dream I had finally,being exhausted of this activity over several years,surrendered to the Universe and said “take me,my life,and transform it/myself to what it should be” and removed my ego from it entirely. I had in fact,handed everything over to the Universe and said “I’m weary of trying to handle all this-take my fears,my burdens,and let them be carried away for transmutation….let me serve as I have incarnated to do”. I asked for help from the Angels on this as well as the Fae. WIthout realizing it till very recently,I have gone thru (or am going thru) a Cerridwen initiation. And it feels wonderful to stop running. 

Last weekend I had the house to myself-and I felt the odd urge to watch my DVD of the Beatles “Help!” which I did,tho part of my mind was saying “you should be doing…..” I chose to ignore that voice. It was wonderful to lighten up,to feel the great energy of the music,which was so unlike what I was into during the 80’s. This was music that existed for the pure joy of it-not to be “tough” or “intimidating” or to project oneself as a “force to be reckoned with”. This was highly energized music that just made you plain feel good. And it resonated deep within me. 

I started playing Beatles tunes on my electric violin and my acoustic viola,and then last night got out my electric 7 string and was backing the Beatles up as I played along with songs on my Ipod. I remembered this was the kind of rock music I had dreamed of playing when I was a little girl and took up guitar at 11……before I got into the heavy metal movement of the 80’s…..which really never fit me. It was then I started burying myself and covering the golden buddha within with mud to “fit in”. (I do not mean this as a bash against heavy metal music,BTW) I felt I had to lie to potential band member and agree with their thinking that “The Beatles were the dark ages of music” which went completely against what I felt-I loved them and Wings,along with Elton John,Led Zeppelin,and rock tunes that had orchestras in it. (Yes Virginia,a lot of the metallers of the 80’s were anti Beatles 😦 ) 

So I have decided to return to my Beatle loving good energy rock n roll,along with my love of retro 60’s-70’s clothing & jewelry. Last night was the first night in many years that I could play without having negative memories of poisonious playmates or events come up……nor did any fears arise that I may attract more chaos in my life by doing so. It suddenly felt very energizing and right. I might even start teaching women/girls rock guitar again!