In early May,I tripped and fell in the house & landed on my knees. The left knee was bruised,and the right knee took the brunt of my landing. It swelled up to a HUGE size,and I could barely walk. Then a week later,my 17 yr old cat had kidney failure and my Dad had to take her to the vet to be helped across the bridge. (the parking lot to the vet office is super steep and I was on a cane and in a knee brace) Needless to say I was devastated,not to mention experiencing an eerie Deja Vu experience. In 2012 I had fallen and injured my left knee,which required stitches,and the sister of the cat I lost this past May fell suddenly and severely ill that very evening. The vet was pretty useless (each cat had a different vet) and a week later,I had her helped across the bridge.  So- into grieving and recuperating mode I went…..again. 

The knee is just now to the point to where I can walk almost normally and stairs are getting easier. No,I didn’t see a dr as I got tossed into Medi-cal (my state’s medical source for those who can’t afford real insurance) and the office I visited was dirty,poorly lit,and in the slummiest part of town. (I got tossed into the system when Obama Care ended the only ‘real insurance” policy that was affordable to me and refused to give me aid in paying for the now much more expensive plan I got shoved into by my provider….and I was deemed as “not eligible” for Obama Care as I don’t make enough $$ right now..) 

In short,it’s been a rough couple of months. I miss Lightning (my cat) terribly,and there was many a night I cried myself to sleep over losing her. I’ve missed not tending the garden,and I missed the BIG yard sale event I always attend that happens twice a year for the very first time (12 years in a row!) And in the swirl of all this……

I reminded myself that when an accident occurs,it can be the Universes way of sitting you on your butt and getting you to look over things from a different angle. Not the nicest way to do it,but sometimes hints aren’t enough. “When a door closes,another one opens” kept going thru my mind,even in the depths of my grief & frustration. 

I realized I needed to refocus my life on what I really want to do,and where I really want to go. Sometimes,in our seeking to generate an income,we can spread ourselves too thin. I’ve offered lessons on several instruments that I know how to play,and I’ve had several potential students just fade out before the 1st free lesson. And I was amazed at how much time it takes to keep a good playing skill level on all of them. Not to mention my online store in which I make accessories to sell. And the blogs. And social media. And the cat. And you get the idea. Where am I in all of this? Feeling like I was on a treadmill of things I enjoyed-yet some of those suffered neglect as it was more than I could handle. 

Lightnings’ health had been slowly dipping below par starting late last year. Her diagnosis of epilepsy a year and a half prior made me afraid to leave the house for fear she’d have a seizure and fall into space she couldn’t get out of. (her vet didn’t want her taking the anti-seizure meds) So I wound up not leaving the house for more than a couple of hours at a time,and not frequently. I did this with no regrets and would do so again in a heartbeat. At the same time I missed not being able to be out in the world without worry about how long I’d be out of the house. This meant not being able to get myself in any sort of band situation or teaching in person situations. 

With Lightning safely across the bridge,in my grief I knew I now had freedom of movement without worry,and she was now reunited with her sister in spirit,and safe. I could now focus on healing completely,and going forward in new directions. I also saw I needed to cut back and pick which instruments would be “just for fun” and which ones I felt that I was “here to play with dedication”. So I’ve dropped teaching banjo,dulcimer,autoharp and a few other instruments. What I will continue to teach is mandolin,beginning rock guitar,and continue to nurture artists with this blog. Optional are electric bass and ukulele. (I have no students for these two instruments but am open to teaching them!) 

Deciding to stick with guitar & mandolin as my instruments of dedication has been one of the best choices I could make. It’s taken a lot of inner weight off me,and I’ve been having lots more fun musically. Lightning and Sassy will always be on my mind frequently,I will always miss them,and my heart is mending. I will adopt cats again down the road but not right now. And now you know why I haven’t been posting for awhile.  Peace.